“You’re very hyper and not calm”

this compliement maybe I’ve been hearing since a long long time. My the cricket coach in class 5, to the tabla teacher in class 9 , and now even my mentor at 22 ! This is a realization and confession post. Most of which is gonna be bore so ,… skip away.

Basically I love on instant gratification. At least I did until I realize how right the are now; I often get crancy at them for calling me that, but its true, on the first day I need to know the whole plan, the whole battleplan, who goes where, does what ? Maybe half of it’s excitement, and the other half lack of trust (since I’ve been a bad judge of people in the past) . But mostly this behaviour is existant because of my

I wanna have it all .

kind of attitude. I really got myself to learn entire programming packages overnight, software tutorials in a day and I’ve finished coding a whole project 2 days before submission. Ignoring the fact I’m totally unaware of deadlines, but the fact I’ve achieved and attained results (pretty good results) in a short while gives me this feeling that I can finish things fast and hence I should have it all. Bring it on, one after another.

No. That’s what I’ve realized that I’m doing wrong this summer. I’m losing the most essential quantity.

BREAK.

else I will break …

I haven’t taken any holidays or any self-reflection time since January. I’ve been going through exams ,projects,applications for projects , then all nighter coding tears for GSoC and now the remaining july at TIFR , then again back to coursework. Admist this no holidays’ home , nothing I’m giving myself.

Why being so hard on myself ?

I don’t have any reasons to reward myself. That’s what I believe, I didn’t win a trip or a great lottery or an amazing GPA. Nope. Then why take a break ? and not stop until I get it ?

See? that’s how wrong it sounds ! Without even a day’s break , a week can’t be fruitful, no wonder I didn’t get anything decent either.

A happy mind is a healthy mind; I can’t do anything if I’m not happy. Nobody can. Its universal .